The Strong Willed Child- The Power of Choice

The Strong Willed Child

Well isn't that a loaded label! As I, the parent of a very strong willed child looked for help among my blogger moms, I found that the strong willed child was called many thing. "Out of Control", "opinionated", "Bad mannered" and many, many others.

So before we start, let me tell you my definition of the Strong Willed Child. (SWC) This child is not out of control or bad. They are usually smart and stubborn. These kids need things to make sense before they can accept them and stop everything until it does.

My daughter was born stubborn and bad tempered. During our five day stay at the hospital more than one nurse commented on her temper. Again, I don't man the child that is throwing a tantrum in the middle of the store because she didn't get her way. Her temper is more an expression of frustration. When she is trying to put a puzzle piece together and it just doesn't work, she will screech and throw the piece. The display of temper, while not acceptable, is over as quickly as it started.

My mother reminds me often that stubbornness and a strong will can be great assets as an adult, so long as the child was molded correctly.

Raising these children is tough. It is tiring. It makes you wonder if you are really doing the right thing or not.  Here are a few tips that have helped me with my stubborn girl.

1. Explain- As I have mentioned before, these kids are usually very intelligent. They are processing the world and as their brains absorb everything around them, they do not like to be disturbed. This is why explaining things, or preparing them, is so important. Some kids can be told its time to go and they will dutifully go get their shoes without question. These children will try to understand why. I find if we are at a gathering, a five minute warning is very helpful "Honey, we will be leaving in 5 minutes. It is getting late and we have to go home and eat dinner." The child has been told what will be happening and why. When the 5 minutes is up it is much easier to get them to leave.

Explanations are important as well. With the above mentioned puzzle piece incident, I would make my child pick up the piece, then we would go try it together. I would show her how the piece didn't fit and that it meant it did not belong there. Together we would find the piece that did fit and discuss how we know it does.

2. Consistency- With the SWC thrives in rules and routine. Being the smart little individuals they are, they will test boundaries and try to get away with thing. Honestly, if they succeed in breaking them down it will only confuse them. The initial exhilaration of winning the small battle will then give way to confusion as they wonder why sometimes behavior is allowed and why sometimes it is not. Like all children, they will try that tactic again and again to try to get success again.

It is hard to understand as an adult how these very smart children can get confused so easily. It really does make sense. In their minds they have processed the situation and come up with the expected outcome. When it does not happen how they think they will they tend to worry and get frustrated about their own misunderstanding of the situation.

As teenagers and adult these will most likely be the ones that are harder on themselves than any other person could be.

3. CHOICES!- I added this to the title of this post because to me it is the most important tool you can have when dealing with the SWC. I have had amazing success with my daughter using this tactic. With other kids I can say the old "because I am the parent!" and expect them to obey. The SWC cannot process that. They have a need to be in control of what is happening in their world.

Giving your child a choice makes them feel as though they are choosing what is happening and therefore things are not so chaotic.

This method gets a little trickier as they age. One day my daughter didn't want to put her shoes on. When I told her she would hurt her feet she simply replied I could carry her. So I gave her two choices. She could put her shoes on and be comfortable or not put her shoes on and hurt her feet.

Sometimes they counter-offer. For example, she might say again that she wanted me to carry her. I simply reply "that was not one of the options. You can wear your shoes and be comfortable or not wear your shoes and hurt your feet." You MUST follow through! If she chooses to not wear her shoes, do not pick her up when she steps on a rock. Give her the option again of putting her shoes on. If she complains tell her it was her choice.

4. Unconditional Love- I know many of you think this is understood and may even skip over this step, but again I think the way I think of things and others think of things is different. I do not know a parent out there that thinks they do not give this to their child. My question to you is do they know it? Children understand what "I Love You"means to an extent. But when it is said as a habit, sometimes they forget the sincerity of it. (I am not saying to stop saying I love you so much! Never! You can never say it too much!!)

What I mean by this section is that when your child chooses the wrong path, you hug and love on them anyway. Explain why it was wrong, then give them a hug and tell them you love them and you will always be there if they have questions.

5. Do no break their Spirit- I have seen this time and again. These tough to deal with kids can get the better of you. I see parents at their wits end engage in power struggles. Follow through is important but so is knowing when pressing an issue is just causing them to dig in their heels even more. What is worse is when you are so absorbed in making them do what you want that you ignore their quiet pleas of help.

I watched a young boy have his spirit broken. It made me cry. He was told to do something. The parent, not watching the child did not see him try. She did not see him struggle. When the child asked for help she told him no. When the child tried again and failed, he started to cry. The parent told the child crying would not help. The child went and asked his sister for help. The parent yelled at him more. The child sat next to his task crying.

When the parent finally showed him what to do, he did it. The parent felt she had won, as the child had meekly done his task. However the child was hurt. He was not the fun child he had been an hour earlier. As he approached his parent later to ask for a drink you could see the uncertainty on his face. How would the parent react?

Fear is not the same as obedience. This child will likely grow up to resent the parent and use all the stubbornness to rebel later.

It is not easy for a SWC to ask for help. Praise them for doing so and be encouraging to them.



Always remember what my mother tells me. God can use the SWC for greatness. These children will be strong, confident and successful if nurtured appropriately as children. Feed their intellect and natural curiosity and give them to chance to make mistakes, all the while knowing you will support them if they fall.
Good luck and God Bless!

Going from EMT to Paramedic: What I learned I had been doing wrong

Paramedics can sometimes get a bad rap from their EMT counterparts. Many EMTs have been in the business many years and feel they can impart wisdom on the new Paramedic. In some instances this is very true. However after being an EMT for several years, I finally saw how frustrating some common EMT habits are to Paramedics. Here are some of the things I never thought about, but now I know are so very important.

1. Learn to drive!
Seriously! Your driving is so important in so many ways. As an EMT I always tried very hard to be as smooth as possible with hip fractures and c-spine patients, but other than that I didn't notice much. I had a paramedic or two say something to me. Here is what I never realized. EVERYTHING the paramedic is trying to do is harder when you do not drive smooth. Drawing up meds, writing my chart, checking the drip rate on an IV, even opening up a 4x4 is tough when you are being tossed around. Easy on the brakes son, and drive through the corners.

And the code three patient is always a tough one in this aspect. Yes, I want to get this patient to hospital as quick as I can but these patients usually need the most intervention as well and I cannot do it if I am hanging on for dear life. You want your paramedic to find you indispensable??  Make them wonder if you are really driving code!


2. Stop complaining about the charts you write.
On those rare days when you write more BLS charts than I do, I really don't want to hear about it. We both know it is rare and even if you write ten charts to my one, my one is more in depth, detailed and more likely to get me fired or sued. Often late at night it would be me and the other car's medic up doing charts while our EMTs slept. How many mornings do paramedics get off late finishing paperwork? How many times to does the EMT go grab a water and donut out of the breakroom while the medic works on his chart at the ED? I really don't want to hear about your one day of five charts.

3.Your enthusiasm is obnoxious!
I really am not trying to be mean here but chill out. Several things happen with the overeager EMT. First and foremost, I miss stuff. While I am trying to sort something out, read an EKG or look over a med list, my EMT is asking questions. If it is an EMT I work with often and we work well together this is not a problem. But occasionally I get some EMT that finds out important details and does not pass them on. I either repeat the questions later to the annoyance of the patient or the EMT pops up with the info as we transfer the patient at the ED making me look like an idiot.

Also, you may love trauma, but that does not give you the right to charge in there and take over the scene.
You may love cardiac but if you question what I see on my EKG I will lose my cool.

Because here is the deal. As an EMT I loved to look at an rhythm strip and tell my paramedic I thought the patient had this or that. I thought I was really helpful when I told them that "If it was me I would give them Drug A". But as an EMT I there was NEVER the consequences to think about. Anything that happens to that patient is on my head, not yours.

If I ask for your opinion, then by all means speak up.

4. Never, ever, question me in front of the patient.
This seems like a no brainer but often many EMTs do not even realize they do it. When you ask simple questions like, "oh you are giving 4mgs? I always thought the right dose was 5mgs" it seems like innocuous conversation to you. To the patient, it makes it seem like one of the two of you don't know what they are doing. It can set the whole call up for disaster.
I, and most medics I know, will be more than happy to discuss any aspects of the call AFTER the fact and in private. Unless you genuinely fear I am about to kill someone, mention it later.

5. The things you do when you think no one is paying attention makes the patient uncomfortable.

This is one I did not realize right away when I became a medic. Little things like listening to music in the front, rolling down your window to talk to someone outside, or even talking to fire outside for a minute before we leave all give the impression to the patient that they are not the most important thing going on right now. And every patient, yes even the ones we don't like or don't think should have called and ambulance, should feel important. It is called customer service.

For that matter leave our conversations  for when we are alone. Real things my EMTs have said in front of patients.
*I think I want Mexican for lunch
*My girlfriend is such a bitch. She just called me to tell me ...
*Oh man. Medic 2 is so lucky. They are going on a gunshot while we are stuck on this.
*Yea! See that car behind us? I would totally flip them off if we were not in the ambulance!
and my personal favorite.... "Skadoosh! Have you seen Kung Foo Panda? It was awesome!"

So to sum up, I am sorry to all my Paramedic partners for the above infractions I have committed. It is hard to want to be in the game and be excited about what you and not realizing you may be in the way. You may be tired of getting blood pressures and putting on oxygen but those things are important! EMTs are important, and having a good relationship with your partner makes life so much easier!

Stay safe my friends!!