People meet me and ask what I do for a living. "A Paramedic?" they say. "Wow, that must be exciting!" Well, let me tell you about the most exciting job ever. I get to work and say hello to my fellow EMS workers. Hello is often answered with a detailed description of the day and how it sucks. I grab my keys to my ambulance, my box of narcotics that several patients will try to con me out of during the course of the day and my dreaded radio. We climb into the rig to find out what kind of poor condition it was left in by the crew before. Unless there is blood, vomit or a missing heart monitor I keep my mouth shut about anything that might be wrong. After all, tomorrow I will probably not leave it much better for them.
We head to post, usually some street corner where we can pilfer wi-fi and see a good assortment of crazy people. Some times we are there five minutes and sometimes it's two hours. One thing is for sure. My back hurts sitting in these damn ambulances but I am too scared of the psychos outside to get out and stretch.
90% of my calls involve people over the age of 75 and probably 80% of my calls do not need to go to the hospital. Three phrases that will instantly make me hate you are 1. If I go with you I will not have to sit in the lobby, 2. I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow, and 3. This has been going on for several days (usually this one is at 2am on a weekend).
Fall victims are prevalent in the elderly. We go, help them up and leave. They use their handy lifeline buttons to get us to haul ass to their homes only to find they need to change their oxygen bottles, the battery in their wheelchair is dying, they want their blood pressure checked or they are unsure how many pills they can take.
Most car accidents are fender benders where a person is convinced they will get out of a ticket or get more money if they say they have neck pain. Not to mention the two or three patients a day who have been vomiting for an hour and want us to "make it stop!" You have the flu! Drink some water and go to bed you jack ass!
Then occasionally, not even every shift, it happens. A real call. A call that requires you to use your skills. A call where someone really needs you. You rush in.make command decisions and think, this is why I am here. Then the doctor yells at you for forgetting to bring one of the patients 17 medications or your boss yells at you for forgetting to get a copy of their insurance card. By the end of the day I am tired, grumpy and behind in charts. Some days I can barely remember all the calls if its been busy. I try to replace everything we used in the last twelve hours. A new fresh crew comes in as I am trying to finish up. I give them a detailed report of my day, even though they didn't ask so they know my shift sucked and go home, once more a disgruntled paramedic.
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