Top 5 Things That will Piss Off Your Paramedic.

Everyone has a different meaning of emergency. After years on the front lines of emergency care, I can guarantee that my idea of an emergency is different than yours. However, no matter what, it is the Paramedic's job to take a person that calls 911 to the hospital. I find myself having a pleasant conversation with the people who may not be profusely bleeding, but honestly had no other option than to the ER or were genuinely concerned about something I felt was inconsequential. Just because it is not my emergency, does not mean that there was not a good reason for you to call.
I could easily make this a ten point blog, but I don't want to bore you with all my whiny annoyances. That being said, here are some things to avoid saying if you want a pleasant trip to the hospital.

5. Not putting your dog away.
Sounds simple enough but this happens all the time. Now I understand that if you are short of breath, getting up and chasing a rat terrier around is the last thing that is going to happen. But if you have someone with you that would be a good thing for them to do while you patiently await our arrival.

And I do not care how friendly Fido is, when you are sick, hurt or scared, the dog can pick up on those emotions. They will want to protect you and 2-4 uniformed people with odd bags and machines storming into the house will only intensify these emotions.

They will also lick us, bark at us and try to get in between us. This will not be a sterile environment when we try to do anything. Also, I will not be responsible if your dog or cat gets out. I have way to much to do, and we have to get the gurney in the door, up the stairs and usually it is just the two of us. So please put your pets away, if you can!

4 "I would prefer if you wait until we get to the hospital"

One thing you may hear me bemoan on this blog is the differences between nurses and paramedics. For some reason, nurses are far more respected, have better hours and have better pay. But guess what? (In Oregon and I am sure some other states too) Paramedics and Nurses have the same amount of training. We both have a two year degree. And another difference... I don't have a doctor to help me out. I show up, take in the situation and act accordingly. So it quite honestly hurts my feelings a little bit when you think the nurse is better at starting IV's or whatever than me.

I have yet to see a nurse straddle a patient, bouncing down the road, dodging spurting blood and successfully start and IV. Never have they lain in God knows what on a patient's floor, their legs stuck under a desk or bed or table trying to obtain the right angle for a stick and I have NEVER seen a nurse start and IV in the pouring rain, on the side of a freeway with only a fireman's flashlight for help.

So let me assure you I can start the IV. You have notoriously bad veins? Let me try anyway, because you may be amazed how well I can do.

3. "You don't need to know. Just get me to the hospital."
Then you don't need an ambulance, let me call you a taxi! Look, I am not trying to be mean here, but kind of like the one above, I am trained and may be able to help you! When people don't want my help it frustrates me. That is what I am here for. Maybe I can make things better sooner. Maybe I can't, but maybe I have knowledge I can impart on the way. You never get 15-30 minutes of one on one time with your doctor. Not saying we are anywhere near as educated as the doctors, but most of us try to keep up on the current treatments and disease information. We may be able to help out. Trust us!!

2. Overbearing Family
PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS WRONG!!!!

Families are the greatest source of information we can possible get. They care more about the patient than anyone else, sometimes even more than the patient themselves. I want to hear what you have to say and I need to know what is going on, but for the love of all that is holy, get out of our way!!! And never "help" with the gurney or equipment. I cannot tell you how many injuries result as the helpful family jumps in and takes us off guard.
Also, yelling to us that the doctor you mom saw last time was a quack, the neighbors are crazy or she needs to move into a nursing home does not change what we do a bit. We cannot force her to move, she is free to see a new doc and call the cops if the neighbors are really an issue.

One more tip. Screaming "Save Him!" or "Don't take her Jesus!" or anything else just might cause us to a) call the cops to get rid of you, b) laugh hysterically, c) roll our eyes and try desperately to hear what is going on, like a heart beat or lung sounds.

1. "I knew if I called 911 I wouldn't have to wait as long to be seen".

This statement is the thing to irritate me the most and on so many levels. First of all, like most places, there are barely enough ambulances to cover the system. The higher uppers do this on purpose because they lose money if a crew is being paid to just sit around. This means that often there are times when all the ambulances are out on a call at the same time and people have to wait for help. When someone acknowledges to me that they are aware of the fact that they are not an emergency, but are willing to take an ambulance out of the system anyway, it really torks me.

Secondly, there is no truth in that statement. If the ER is busy, you may be put in a wheelchair and rolled out to the lobby to wait your turn just like everyone else. Trust me on this, medics have ways of making a patient Triage appropriate. No IV, stable vital signs and few well placed words in the report to the hospital will get you the fast track to a four hour wait.

Third, I liken this to insurance fraud. Now this is my humble opinion and you are welcome to agree or not but hear me out. False claims and insurance companies paying out on B.S. claims have increased rates and deductibles. A person claiming they are sicker than they are because they do not want to wait in the lobby of the ER or go see their personal doctor in the morning are big reasons that companies like Medicare are cutting how much they will pay for. In the meantime, people who do need the services are scared to use it because they don't have the money to pay for the ever rising costs of medical bills, due to the ever decreasing pay outs by insurances.


I hope these little tips will help you get along with your medic if ever you need one. Remember, respect is a two way street.
You be nice, I be nice. You be mean, I have big needles, restraints and sedatives!

Will the good outweigh the bad??

One of the glorious things about being a paramedic is what I am doing right now. I am writing a blog, while at work. However, that doesn't mean that at any second the tones might go off and interrupt my train of thought. But I wanted to take a minute to explain my handle, "Disgruntled Paramedic".

We all start out in this job the same. I started volunteering for the local fire department when I was 15. Full of energy, craving excitement and adrenaline and truly hoping to make a difference in this crazy world. Like most new employees I have seen trickle in here, I once thought the crusty old medics, that we used to call Crispy because they were so burnt out, were heartless and needed to go away. I will never get like that I used to think.

For the first few years, I remembered every name and face of every call I went on. How could you not remember Mrs. So and so? I would ask.

And perhaps had I stayed in the small community I started in, I would have stayed the nice niave medic I started out as. But I did not.

I have spent a decade and a half dealing with the scum of the earth. The only people that have it worse than us in the scum department is cops. Those guys deserve a dang medal just for showing up to work each day. Nine out of ten people that call us do not need an ambulance. They are either too lazy to drive themselves to a doctor, too poor to pay for the doctor, or stupid to understand the word emergency.

By that same token, my best friend who is an ER nurse says almost all their worst patients come in by private vehicle, not wanting to cause a scene or "put anybody out." Something is majorly wrong with the system.

Needless to say, without going on my rant about taxis vs. ambulances and why i shouldn't have to take a self defense course to be a medic, I have managed to burn myself out. I now make the most inappropiate (albeit, HILARIOUS) jokes at others expense, cringe when I get the patient info of nausea and vomiting for an hour, (For real?? Drink some sprite and camp out on the couch!) or have to pull out my handy hankie with perfume on it as I near a transient.

Truth is, if you don't get that sick sense of humor or the ability to weed out the riff raff from the people who truly need you, you will go stark raving mad! So next time a nurse, doc, medic, cop or firefighter says something so utterly offensive you want to puke, remember the crap they have seen and have to deal with and that without this outlet they would collapse as a human being.

I have seen so many new people with their positive attitudes  and promise of never getting crispy break from the sight of trauma and pain and the inhumanities we see. They have no source of outlet and feel they fail if they give into it. These people last a year or two then move on to something else. The dream shattered.

So yes I am disgruntled and crispy, but don't confuse that with hatred of my job or the human race. I am simply surviving.

 Cartoon by Steve Barry

Just for looks

An amazing view of the anatomy of the heart! Breathtaking!!